


let your heart beat here

by amaura



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-31 12:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaura/pseuds/amaura
Summary: Dante is thirteen the first time he understands what being in love feels like.He’s expecting it to be grand, like it is in most of the movies he’s seen, but it’s different than anything he’s felt before. For one, he wasn’t expecting it at all. You’d think falling in love comes with a warning or something, but Dante found out the hard way that it didn’t.





	let your heart beat here

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [preciousthings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousthings/pseuds/preciousthings) in the [PuckingRare2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/PuckingRare2018) collection. 



> **Prompt:** childhood! friends! to! lovers!  
>  i don't care what the circumstances are, but this is the best trope in existence and there are some really great rarepairs out there!!!! 
> 
> prime examples include: lawson crouse/travis konecny, logan brown/jakob chychrun, dante fabbro/mat barzal, dylan strome/mikey mcleod, ryan mcleod/matt strome, carter hart/sam steel, luke kunin/matthew tkachuk, taylor raddysh/travis barron, nick bjugstad/kyle rau
> 
> i'm the least picky person in the world but this trope keeps me going
> 
> \--
> 
> DISCLAIMER: If you know anyone mentioned in this story or if you are mentioned yourself, please do us both a favour and close the page. 
> 
> i don’t even know where to begin. this fic wouldn’t be possible without an amazing group of people who i’m lucky enough to call my friends. thanks to grace for being here for me whenever i had questions and when i wanted to throw the whole fic away, too. thanks to ria for being my hype squad and for motivating me and supporting me from beginning to end. thanks to pan for her patience and for her nice comments on the side of my doc. thanks to hailey for the beta! 
> 
> and thanks to ash, aimee, heather, ali and deja for their constant support. 
> 
> and to ang and everyone else who’s going to read this: i really hope you enjoy this! 
> 
> (most of this takes place in the 2016-17 season)

Dante knows that preliminary games don’t mean as much as the medal games, but winning 10-2 against Latvia feels too good to not be celebrated. There’s booze in Dylan’s room so they somehow all end up in there. It’s crowded and there’s barely any space left on the beds, but there’s a spot right next to Mat, so Dante pushes his way through everyone and sits.

He’s being handed a drink before he can even say hi to Mat and then Dylan tells everyone to shut up from his seat at the edge of the bed, because the movie is starting. No one’s surprised that they’re watching The Mighty Ducks. Mat told him they do it every year and Dylan’s been there awhile. So has Mat. Dante would say they should be tired of it by now, but the movie has barely started and both of them are smiling, easy as anything.

Dante doesn’t see Mat often, so when he does, he catches himself staring at him more than a normal person would—more than a best friend would. There’s always been this _something_ between them and even though they don’t talk about it, not really, Dante’s been in love with Mat since he was thirteen. This isn’t new territory or anything, it’s just—it’s different.

Dante can’t really blame himself, anyway, because Mat knows what he looks like; he knows he looks good and he’s almost cocky with it, but that’s something Dante’s always loved about him. He doesn’t know why he loves that so much, the way Mat is confident with everything he does and everyone he surrounds himself with, but he does. There isn’t much that Dante doesn’t love about him and that much has been obvious for a while now.

Dante is still looking at Mat when everyone starts laughing. He doesn’t look away, not really, just focuses on Mat’s mouth instead of his eyes. He stares at his mouth a lot, has ever since they shared their first kiss, but he’s almost certain that it was a one time thing and Mat doesn’t really want it to happen again. Dante’s seen the looks Mat gives other guys, the same look he’d had on his face that night when he leaned in and kissed Dante. It doesn’t hurt, not really, it’s just something Dante wishes he could ignore.

He blinks and then focuses on Mat’s eyes and on how easy it is to get lost in them. It takes him a while to realize that Mat is staring back at him, tongue merely sticking out to lick at his bottom lip. Dante grins, because he doesn’t know what else to do and it’s only when Mat grins back that he knows that it’s okay. He takes a sip of his drink and focuses on the movie, or well. Tries to, at least.

Dante is too focused on the way Mat’s arm brushes slightly against his to even watch the movie. He’s seen it a couple times—more than he wants to, really, but he goes to an American university so he’s not really surprised. Mat’s arm is warm against his and Dante’s not drunk yet, not off one drink, but the way this makes him feel is comparable to it.

He meets Mat’s eyes again. “What a game, eh?”

Mat is still looking at him. “Yeah.”

He doesn’t say anything else and Dante is kind of grateful because he wasn’t really listening anyway, too busy concentrating on the way the light reflects in Mat’s eyes, too busy thinking about how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss him, just so Dante can have what he wants for a while. He wants more, way more, but he’s willing to take whatever Mat is giving him and if it happens to be just one kiss on a bed in a random hotel in Toronto, well.

It’s better than not having him at all.

The guys start leaving one by one, all making up excuses about having to get up early in the morning for practice, even though that’s not technically true. Dante says goodbye to as many guys as he can, alternating between giving the movie his undivided attention and staring into Mat’s eyes.

He knows that he’s not subtle and that he never really has been, but that’s what happens when you fall in love with your best friend at thirteen, Dante guesses.

There are a few guys left, but they’re too engrossed on the movie or on their phones to realize what’s happening around them. It’s like Dante and Mat are in a little bubble, like they had been when they were younger. Dante isn’t looking at Mat’s eyes anymore, he’s looking at Mat’s lips and he can feel Mat’s gaze on his lips, too. Mat moves a little closer and for a second there, Dante thinks he’s going to kiss him, but then Tyson sits on the bed and the moment is broken. It’s not, like, lost forever, but there’s a part of Dante that wishes they could’ve kissed before Tyson arrived.

“Hey,” Tyson says. “Congrats on the goals, man,” he adds, to Mat. Dante doesn’t know how he can tell him to leave without being rude.

Mat’s grin isn’t genuine, Dante can tell, but Tyson doesn’t know him enough to see that. “Yeah, thanks,” he says, keeping it short. It’s so unlike him, though, because Dante knows Mat could talk about his hockey for hours if he could.

Tyson looks at Dante, and then at Mat.

“You guys were totally having a moment, right?”

Dante doesn’t know if he would call it a moment, but he’s also pretty sure Mat was about to kiss him, so. It was a moment, if you want to be, like, accurate, but it also kinda wasn’t. He’s unsure.

Mat doesn’t say anything either, his eyes on Dante and that’s enough of an answer for him. All these years, Dante had thought his feelings for Mat were one sided and that there was no way Mat was gonna feel the same way, but now he has doubts and, like, hope. There’s a smile tugging at Mat’s lips and it’s enough to prove to Dante that what he thought might never happen has changed to a “maybe”.

“You totally were,” Tyson says, answering his own question. “I’m uh, I’m gonna go.”

Dante smiles at him. He’s glad he understands. He’ll totally laugh about this in the future, but for now he turns to look at Mat and grins, unbothered.

–

Dante and Mat have always done everything together so Dante isn’t really surprised when Mat happens to be the first guy he kisses.

The fact that he hasn’t kissed anyone outside of dares or spin the bottle games doesn’t really bother him. He’s fourteen and too focused on hockey to even give girls a second glance and, well. He’s in love with Mat and Mat hasn’t shown any interest for guys, so Dante just ignores it.

He’s in the basement of his house, Mat with his feet getting heavy in his lap, when Mat first brings it up. They’ve been playing video games all night, trying to figure out who’d come out on top in a best of seven at NHL 12. Mat has a certain advantage, considering he’s older and he’s had more time to practice, but Dante likes his chances.

They’re tied 2-2, and Mat puts his controller down, turning to face Dante.

He’s got a look on his face that Dante can’t quite decipher but his features are soft, relaxed, so Dante’s not too worried about the conversation they’re about to have. He knows how Mat’s face gets when he talks about something serious and it’s nothing like this.

“How’s school?” he asks, like they didn’t just hang out this week.

Dante snorts. “I could ask you the same thing,” he says, avoiding the question. Nothing fun is happening at school right now and Mat knows it. Dante doesn’t even know why he’s asking.

“Yeah, but I asked you first. Meet anyone interesting?” Mat says, waggling his eyebrows.

And, oh—now Dante knows where this conversation is going. There’s always a hidden reason for Mat’s random questions and even though they don’t really talk about this stuff, Dante knows Mat is curious. They’re best friends, it makes sense.

“Nah. There’s too much happening between school and hockey to really, like, focus on anyone interesting,” Dante says, like he hasn’t been dreaming about Mat for the past week.

And the week before that.

“So, you’ve never been kissed?” Mat asks, and Dante is sure he stops breathing for a second.

Mat starts to move and Dante’s suddenly cold, missing the feel of Mat’s legs heavy on top of his. He’s not trying to read into things—he’s learned not to, with Mat especially—but the mood in the room has changed and he’s pretty sure he knows what’s going to happen next.

Or, well, he knows what he’d like to see happen next. He doesn’t know whether Mat is on the same page as him on that, though.

Dante doesn’t answer Mat but he turns around on the couch, too, facing Mat instead of the TV. He tosses his controller on the coffee table and he’s pretty sure his hands are, like, shaking when he places them onto his thighs.

To be fair, he’s not really sure what to do with them. He’s seen enough romantic comedies with Mat to know where to put his hands, but he also knows that every kiss is different so he’s hoping that—if they do end up kissing—Mat takes the lead so Dante can just go with whatever’s left.

It seems easier that way.

“You’ve never been kissed,” Mat repeats, like he’s making sure Dante knows what’s about to happen.

The thing is, Dante knows. His entire body knows. His shoulders are tense, more than usual, and there’s a situation down there starting to get out of control and he knows that if they don’t do anything he’s gonna have to make up an excuse to run to the bathroom, jerk off and pray Mat’s out of his house by the time he comes out.

“No,” Dante says. Even his voice is unrecognizable. “I–uh, I haven’t.”

“Do you want to—”

Dante doesn’t even hesitate before he says, “Yeah.”

Dante doesn’t know how he manages to initiate it but he’s for sure the first one to lean in and pull Mat closer. He’s got a hand behind his neck, and it seems practiced, like he’s done this more than a handful of times, and then Mat meets him in the middle and—

They’re kissing.

It starts with a simple brush of lips but it’s already better than all those meaningless kisses Dante remembers. Mat’s lips are chapped and Dante makes a mental note to remember to buy him chapstick in case they ever do this again. It’s like he can read Dante’s mind, because Mat pulls back slightly and licks his lips a little before he connects them again.

Dante doesn’t have words to describe what he’s feeling right now. It’s like, this overwhelming feeling on one hand, but on the other hand, he doesn’t want it to stop.

Mat’s hand finds its way to his hip and Dante shivers, unaware of how good a simple touch could feel. He opens his mouth a little and Mat’s tongue touches his and it’s like Dante forgets how to breathe.

“Oh,” he says, almost breathless.

Mat pulls back and takes a look at him. “How’s that for a first kiss?”

Dante doesn’t know where the sudden confidence boost comes from but he says, “Pretty good, but maybe we should try again to make sure,” and grins proudly when he catches the look on Mat’s face.

Mat’s the one initiating the kiss this time, his hand underneath Dante’s chin when he pulls him closer to bring their mouths together. It’s a lot different than the first one, but it’s also similar in many ways. Dante’s not as nervous as he was, like, two minutes ago, so he’s more relaxed and allows Mat to slip his tongue in seconds after their lips have met.

His tongue traces Dante’s lower lip and it makes him shiver again. This unknown feeling is better than what Dante had anticipated. He doesn’t know why, but he’s glad Mat was his first kiss. He doesn’t think kissing anyone else would feel like this.

Dante picks the worst moment to get lost in his thoughts because one second Mat’s hands are on his arms and the next, he’s got both legs on either side of Mat’s. They’re definitely making out and Dante didn’t expect that at all when he first let Mat inside his house after the game, but he’s not complaining.

He gets both of his hands on the sides of Mat’s face and kisses him again. There’s tongue involved and a little too much saliva but Dante doesn’t want to be picky right now, so he kisses Mat harder.

They keep kissing, and kissing until Dante hears noise near the basement door and slowly pulls back. Mat heard it too, judging by the look on his face, but he doesn’t look as stricken as Dante feels. He’s still on top of Mat, their chests only a few inches apart and he doesn’t want to move. The door to the basement opens, though, so he quickly has to.

“Dante, you have to do your homework,” his mom yells from upstairs.

“In a minute,” he says, and smiles when she finally walks away.

He takes a deep breath.

He looks at Mat and tries not to laugh when he realizes how messy his hair looks just now. He knows that if someone were to walk down the stairs right now, they’d know exactly what the two of them have been up to.

“You okay?” Mat asks.

“Yeah,” Dante says. “That was, uh—thank you.”

He sounds a lot more embarrassed than he feels. He’s glad Mat doesn’t make fun of him, though.

“You’re welcome,” he says, leaning in to leave one last kiss on Dante’s lips like it’s nothing. “The first one is always the one you remember. I hope I made it memorable enough,” he adds with a wink.

Dante needs him to leave or he’s gonna do something stupid, like, kiss him again or something. He’s been able to keep his feelings a secret for over a year, he can’t stop now.

“You did,” Dante says.

Mat grins. “I should go. I don’t want your mom coming down here and kicking me out because you didn’t do your homework,” he says, ruffling Dante’s hair.

“You’re an asshole,” Dante says.

Mat shrugs, grabbing his bag from the floor. “We wouldn’t be best friends if I wasn’t. Love you.”

“Love you,” Dante says. The _more than you know_ stays on the tip of his tongue, like it tends to lately.

Dante watches Mat run up the stairs and once the door to the basement closes, he lays on the couch with his feet in the air, smiling.

It takes a good half hour before he can even focus on his homework. He’s got no one to blame but Mat, though.

–

Leaving for Boston after spending most of his summer with Mat in Coquitlam is harder than Dante would’ve thought. His room is bare except for the things his Mom insisted on keeping, like his youth hockey trophies and other memories that Dante couldn’t bring with him, and it feels weird.

It’s like he’s leaving everything behind. He remembers that night where he told Mat he was going to go down the college route instead of playing for the Thunderbirds with him, remembers the way Mat’s smile had fallen off his face like Dante had told him the only thing he didn’t want to hear and, well. It’s kind of what he did, subconsciously.

He had gotten a call from the Thunderbirds the next day and they couldn’t change his mind. Dante knew that if Mat couldn’t change his mind about playing for Boston University, the Thunderbirds wouldn’t be able to, either.

Playing hockey with Mat has always been fun, and for the good part of three years, that’s all Dante would look forward to. Then they stopped playing together for a few years and things changed.

Dante is still in love with him, which might be why the thought of leaving Mat to go study on the other side of the country hurts more than it did when he made the decision in the first place. He’d tried to convince Mat to go, once. After understanding that this was something he had to do, not only to become a better hockey player, but because that’s what the men in his family had done, he wanted Mat to come with him. Dante figured that if he wasn’t going alone, this would be more bearable. But Mat had his heart set on the Thunderbirds ever since the day they drafted him, and Dante knew he couldn’t say anything that would make him change his mind.

“You okay?”

Dante doesn’t even have to turn around to know who it is. “Yeah,” he says, and it’s not really a lie, just an omission of the truth. “I’m gonna miss this place,” he says, because it’s the only way he can say he’s going to miss Mat.

“We’re gonna miss you,” Mat says, and he’s looking at Dante like he means it. Dante tries his best to stay composed and not, like, do anything stupid that might make those years in Boston a lot more worse than they could be.

Dante looks around the room one last time, tries not to let his mind reminisce all the great moments spent in this room and in this house, and when Mat wraps his arm around his shoulders, Dante allows himself to relax. He’s leaving, sure, but it’s not forever. He’s going to be back at the end of spring and he’s going to train with Mat like they always do.

He tries to tell himself that nothing’s going to change, but he knows that’s not true. He knows he’s going to have to try and get over Mat, because the window is closing, and he doesn’t have much time until he and Mat are going to be three time zones apart, unable to see each other as much as they have in the past few years.

They’re making their way downstairs so that Dante can put the last of his boxes in the trunk of the car. He doesn’t know why he decided that driving to Boston would be a better idea than flying there, but doing it alone sounds downright depressing when he thinks about it. When he first had that trip in mind, he imagined Mat in the passenger seat, insisting on playing songs that he knows Dante doesn’t like just to spite him. The worst thing is, Dante would’ve let him.

He’s broken out of his thoughts by Mat, who nudges their shoulders together. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Dante says.

“Do you wanna go for a drive, before you leave?”

Dante grins, not because Mat was basically reading his mind or something, but because that sounds like a really good idea. “Yeah, let me just—” he points to the trunk of the car, but Mat is quick to stop him.

“We can take my car,” Mat says, pulling on his arm. “You’re gonna spend enough time in this car, anyway.”

Dante doesn’t say anything but he knows Mat’s right. He hops into the passenger seat of the car and they’re quiet for a while before Mat even starts the engine.

“I always thought I’d be the first one to leave Coq, out of the two of us,” Mat says, eyes on the road.

Dante’s glad he’s not looking at him, because then he’d see how the smile Dante had on his face when he sat in the car switched to a frown. “Yeah, well,” he says, because there isn’t much to say, is there?

Dante thought they would leave Coq together and that Mat would come to BU with him. He had dreams about it; about how he and Mat would win everything together, starting with the Frozen Four and then the Stanley Cup.

“You’re really doing this?” Mat says, like it hasn’t sunk in yet that Dante is leaving.

Dante sighs. “Yeah. It’s for the best, right?” And he says it because he wants to believe it, wants to believe that he was right to say no when Mat asked him to play for the Thunderbirds instead of going to BU. “You’re going to be playing for the Islanders, anyway, so we’ll be close.”

“Maybe,” Mat says. “This way, it’ll be like you never left. Or well—sort of.”

“Yeah.”

Dante knows now would be the right time to tell Mat about his feelings, but he also feels like it’s not. On one hand, if he tells Mat that he loves him and Mat rejects him, he’s gonna have the next few years at BU to get over it. On the other hand, if Mat loves him back, leaving him is going to be a thousand more times painful than it is now. So he doesn’t say anything, leaning his head against the window and silently judging Mat for the songs that are playing.

The rest of the drive is pretty quiet on Dante’s part, acknowledging whatever Mat is talking about even though he’s not really listening. He doesn’t think he can. He already has to prepare himself for a reality where Mat isn’t just a few miles away, but literally all the way on the other side of the country. He doesn’t think he wants to.

“You know I love you, right?” Mat says, when he’s about to park the car right in front of Dante’s house, like it had been before they left.

Dante knows. He knows Mat loves him enough to call him his best friend, which is already a lot but he also knows Mat doesn’t love him the way he does. “Love you too,” is all he says.

 _I really wish you could come with me_ , is what he wants to say, but he doesn’t. Not when Mat looks as upset to see him leave as Dante feels.

They hug for a really long time and don’t stop until Mat hits the horn with his elbow and startles them both. It makes Dante laugh for a moment, but he doesn’t really want to laugh right now so he fakes it. He hugs Mat again, pretends to miss the kiss Mat presses in his hair and gets out of the car without looking back.

He gets into the house, waits for Mat’s car to be out of sight before he sits on the couch and tries really hard not to cry.

–

Hockey Canada camp starts at the end of July, and Dante’s sitting at the back of the bus when they give out the room assignments. He’s hoping to be able to room with Mat, not because they haven’t seen each other in a while, but because rooming with Mat is special in a way rooming with anyone else isn’t.

Mat is messy—Dante doesn’t think he knows anyone else who’s as messy as Mat is—but Dante doesn’t mind it much. They used to room together all the time during tournaments when they were on the same youth team, and it wasn’t much different than it is now. Mat would leave his gear lying on the floor of the hotel room, and if Dante wasn’t there to pick it up, someone else would do it. This time around, Mat is still dealing with an injury, so he can’t do much on the ice, but they invited him anyway to evaluate his off-ice skills, so he shouldn’t be too bad of a roommate to be around.

“Fabbro, you’re with Barzal,” Coach says, and Dante smiles to himself.

He’s at the back of the bus so no one sees the look on his face. It’s maybe for the better.

It’s not until later that night that he and Mat get to spend time together in their shared room. It’s big enough to fit two beds but for some reason, when they walk in, there’s only one king sized bed and an empty space where the other bed used to be. There’s a note on the nightstand, saying the bed was broken and that they’re waiting for a replacement.

They both look at each other and shrug. They’ve shared the same bed more often than Dante can count on both hands and it’s never been an issue. They shared the same bed after Dante realized he was in love with Mat and it was still easy, because that’s how things with Mat always are.

Easy.

The last thing Dante remembers before falling asleep is laughing at the movie they were watching.

He wakes up in the middle of the night and for the first time in forever, he’s the one stuck being the little spoon. He can feel Mat’s breath against his ear and it’s a lot. Sharing a bed with Mat and cuddling with him used to be okay because he’d be the one in control, he’d be the one to decide how close he wanted them to be but this is different.

Mat’s chest is warm against his back and Dante feels himself leaning into the touch. He knows he shouldn’t, but he does it anyway. He feels himself smiling, too, when Mat moves and tightens his grip around Dante’s waist. It’s comfortable and comforting and Dante knows he’s gonna sleep well the second he lets himself fall asleep.

He’s too busy thinking about how this whole cuddling thing is probably going to stay platonic for the rest of his life because Mat isn’t into him. Dante keeps reminding himself that he would know if Mat was into him, because there isn’t anyone as open with his feelings as Mat.

“You should sleep,” Mat says, and he’s saying so quietly into his ear that Dante kind of wishes there was a hole in the ground to swallow him whole.

“I—Yeah,” Dante says. He’s kind of grateful Mat can’t see his face. “Good night.”

Dante can hear the smile in his voice when Mat says, “Good night,” and tangles their legs together.

If only it meant as much to Mat as it does to Dante.

–

They don’t win gold. They win silver and there’s some consolation in the fact that it’s not sixth place, but it’s not first place either.

The locker room is quiet, no one’s talking, and Dante can almost hear everyone’s heart breaking over the loss. A few guys are crying, some making more efforts to hide it more than others but everyone leaves them be, like they understand that right now might not be the best time for interviews.

The first thing Dante notices is Mat. Mat, who’s usually the only one in the room making jokes when they lose, to cheer everyone up, sitting in his stall with his head bowed down. Dante doesn’t walk over there—knows better than to bother him when he gets like that—but he wants to.

Dante doesn’t cry, at least not until later. He doesn’t smile, either, because he doesn’t think he can. Not when they were so close to winning and lost in some kind of skills competition.

He’s back in his hotel room with his head propped against the pillow and he shuts his eyes, letting the tears fall. It’s—he can’t really describe the feeling. He was on the bench when Terry scored, and he could see the disappointment in some people’s faces in the crowd. Games like this one are fun to play, right up until it doesn’t end your way. But, if Dante had to relive this day a second time, he’d do it without hesitation.

Maybe then, he’d win gold.

Maybe then, he wouldn’t have to see how Mat looks when he’s upset.

Maybe then, things would be better.

There’s a knock on the door and Dante almost doesn’t answer. He already knows who it is without even opening the door because, well, he’s lost important games with Mat before. He knows how he gets.

He opens the door and lets Mat walk in without a word. Just like Dante had when he first got inside the room, Mat throws himself on the bed, face first, and doesn’t move for a minute. Dante sits on the bed, back flat against the headboard and he waits for Mat to sit next to him.

He doesn’t ask him if he’s okay, because he knows the answer to that. Mat just drops his head on Dante’s shoulder and they don’t say anything for a while, taking it all in.

“I’m glad I got to do this with you,” Dante says, without really thinking.

He doesn’t take it back, because he means it, but he understands why Mat isn’t saying anything. He knows, deep down somewhere, Mat’s silence means that he’s glad they got to do this together, too. Dante does the only thing he can do, really, and wraps his arm around Mat’s shoulders, pulling him closer. He rubs circles on Mat’s arm, hoping it has the soothing effect he’s aiming for, and lets the silence do the talking.

There isn’t much to say right now.

Dante’s the first to think about the mini bar. He doesn’t feel like hanging out with the other guys right now, even though the guys in the groupchat are pretty adamant about getting everyone together in the same room one last time before they part ways tomorrow and go back to life as they know it.

He nudges his shoulder with Mat’s. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” Mat says.

“The guys are all drinking in Raddy’s room,” Dante says. “But, like, there’s booze in the mini bar here if you wanna.”

He’s looking down at Mat and Mat is staring right back.

“You always know the right things to say,” Mat says.

Dante snorts. “You’re just easy to read,” he says, trying to ease the mood.

It works, well, it partially does. It makes Mat smile and wipe his eyes, which is more than Dante can say about himself. He gets off the bed and grabs the first thing he sees in the mini bar. There are a few tiny bottles of hard liquor and Dante grabs as many as he can before he makes his way back to the bed. He doesn’t think he’s gonna be in the mood to get up after this.

Dante pretends he doesn’t see the tiny bottles of champagne sitting at the back of the mini bar. He pretends not to think that if they’d capitalized on the chances they had during the third period and the overtime period, they might’ve been popping bottles instead.

He places most of the bottles on the nightstand, taking two for him and Mat before he hops onto the bed.

They share a glance before taking a sip. It’s cheap liquor, so it tastes bad, but it has the desired effect after a few mini bottles, and it helps them forget all about the past hours.

They don’t raid the mini bar like they had initially planned, but it’s a near thing. There are a few empty bottles sitting at the edge of the bed and Dante feels numb. He’s not drunk yet but he knows that he’s going to be, soon, when all the alcohol they drank finally hits.

“I know I already said it,” Dante says, “but I’m really glad I got to play for Canada with you. Sorry you didn’t get the ending you wanted.”

Mat turns his head to face Dante. Dante doesn’t know whether or not this is the alcohol talking but Mat looks really good tonight, like, really good. The top buttons of his shirt are undone and even though he’s been too busy thinking about the game to even give his hair a glance, Mat still looks like he’s about to pose for a magazine.

He’s licking his lips now and Dante tries not to let himself be mesmerized by Mat’s tongue. He gets distracted easily, especially when Mat is around lately and he doesn’t know how to explain it. He doesn’t think he can, really. He doesn’t have to, because Mat takes the last sip from his bottle before tossing it at the end of the bed with the others.

“I’m glad I got to play with you, too,” Mat says, and even though the reply is belated, Dante appreciates it just as much.

Mat is smiling at him and Dante can’t quite describe how that makes him feel and this is definitely the alcohol talking, but if he had to pick one face to look at for the rest of his life, it’d be Mat’s. Without a doubt.

They lay on the bed in silence for a while. That seems to be their thing in moments like this—being quiet and letting the silence do the talking. Dante can feel himself getting drunker by the second, his first few drinks finally kicking in and he closes his eyes. Only for a second except—

Except when his eyes blink open, Mat’s face is a lot closer to his than Dante remembers.

He’s drunk but he’s not dumb—he knows exactly where this is going. Dante tries not to think about it too much, tries to forget how familiar he is with Mat like this. Tries to forget that the first guy he kissed was Mat and that it made him realize he didn’t want to kiss anyone else.

He fails, and he’s pretty sure Mat picks up on it because he’s kissing Dante seconds later. His hands are everywhere—on Dante’s face and on his hip—and Dante doesn’t even know what to do with his. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss Mat back and frankly, he doesn’t think he could.

He knows it’s wrong—knows that Mat is drunk and doesn’t want to kiss Dante like that when he’s sober, but he decides to say ‘fuck it’ and goes with it anyway.

This kiss feels different from the other one—slow where the other one was rushed but dynamic in a way that the other one wasn’t—and Dante doesn’t want it to end. He’s placed a hand on Mat’s hip and he pulls him closer, until their bodies are so close that Dante doesn’t know where he ends and where Mat begins.

He hates how easy it is to kiss Mat—hates that he’s had these feelings for all these years and never did anything about it. Dante is so lost in his thoughts that he barely feels Mat pull back to catch a breath.

His hair was so neatly put before Dante ran his fingers through it but a few short, loose strands lay flat against his forehead now. Dante runs his hand through it again, though this time it’s to fix Mat’s hair instead of messing it up. Dante just wants to lean in and kiss him again, except he feels like he shouldn’t.

Feels like Mat needs to be the one to initiate it for the whole thing to be okay.

“I like your hair like this,” Dante says, breaking the silence. He’s looking at Mat like he’s the only person that matters right now and, well.

It’s not completely untrue.

Mat smiles. “You would,” he says jokingly.

He’s still lying close enough that Dante can feel his breath against his cheek. He can also see Mat up close, something he hasn’t had the chance to do in a while, and it’s a lot.

“You know,” Mat says, “I wouldn’t have wanted to be on the team if you hadn’t been on it.”

Dante snorts. Mat’s face stays unchanged and Dante sobers up a little. He sounds so serious about it that it makes Dante want to believe him.

 _I love you_ , he thinks.

Dante hates that those three words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to be blurted out any second now. He could easily tell Mat he loves him and hope Mat forgets about it entirely if he gets rejected. Or, he could keep it to himself a little longer.

It’s no surprise he picks the latter.

“Sorry I couldn’t get you gold,” Dante says instead. It’s probably not what Mat wanted to hear but it feels like the right moment to say it, considering that after tomorrow, they won’t get to talk like this for another five or six months.

He doesn’t expect Mat to answer because he knows that even though he’s drunk, this is something Mat doesn’t like talking about. He doesn’t expect the way Mat’s hand reaches up to cup his chin and Mat’s lips to be on his a second later, either, but Dante’s really not opposed to it at all.

He kisses back with all he’s got and he ignores the ache he feels in his stomach when he thinks about how this is probably the last time they ever do this. Mat’s lips are soft against his and Dante doesn’t want to forget what that feels like.

He pulls back this time and he keeps Mat close. He doesn’t want to let go just yet but he knows they both have to sleep because they have planes to catch in the morning.

“Hey,” Mat says, low as a whisper. He doesn’t have to talk real loud because their faces are mere inches apart. “Love you.”

“Hey,” Dante echoes. He waits a beat, then another before he says, “Love you, too.”

They fall asleep like that and Dante is so grateful.

–

Dante is thirteen the first time he understands what being in love feels like.

He’s expecting it to be grand, like it is in most of the movies he’s seen, but it’s different than anything he’s felt before. For one, he wasn’t expecting it at all. You’d think falling in love comes with a warning or something, but Dante found out the hard way that it didn’t.

He’s sitting on a bench in an empty locker room in the middle of the summer when it happens. He hasn’t seen Mat in months because they’ve been busy training and practicing with other people and haven’t really had time for each other. His parents booked the rink for a few hours so him and Mat could rekindle their friendship and Dante is so thankful.

Mat is late, as he often is, but the smile on his face is huge and it seems genuine even from afar so it doesn’t take much for Dante to forgive him. He’s already dressed in all his hockey gear, probably looked ridiculous getting out of the car with his whole gear on except his skates, and it makes Dante laugh a little.

They play hockey for hours, until they’re exhausted and forced to get off the ice because someone’s else booked the rink for the next two hour slot. Dante didn’t even realize their time was already up because they had been having such a good time. He’s not a forward and has no interest to be, at this point, but playing with Mat makes him realize that this is really what he wants to do. They go back to the locker room, both out of breath, and Dante’s entire face is red, so is his neck and his hair is probably more curly than usual when he takes his helmet off, but he’s too focused on Mat to even mind it one bit.

Mat has always worked hard to get what he wants, and with hockey it’s no different. Dante has been here to witness that for the better part of three years and he’s still impressed with how hard Mat works. He spends more time training than anyone Dante’s ever seen and it really pays off. His game has stepped up to a new level since last year and Dante can’t wait to hear what scouts have to say about him in the future. He’s a natural goal scorer, Dante’s always known that, but there’s a new edge to his game that Dante hadn’t seen before today, and he likes that. Likes that Mat always finds new ways to improve even though he’s already great.

Mat is only fourteen and people are already telling him that if he keeps it up, he could be drafted in the high first rounds. They don’t say that to many people.

Dante doesn’t know what makes him realize that he’s in love with Mat but his feelings hit him like a truck.

He’s out of the shower, walking back to the locker room to find Mat. When he gets there, Mat’s sitting on the bench, and it’s the first time Dante realizes just how good he looks even when he’s not trying to. Mat’s hair is styled as well as a thirteen year old’s hair can be and Dante suddenly wants to run his fingers through it.

Mat is laughing at something in the hockey magazine he’s reading and Dante looks at him for a moment, his heart high up in his throat, and realizes that he’s in love with him.

It all checks out.

He’s feeling everything his parents have told him about love right in that moment and he panics. He doesn’t storm out of the room, but it’s a near thing. Instead, Dante smiles and sits down next to Mat, like he would any other day.

His heart is beating faster than usual, but Mat doesn’t seem to notice as he turns to show Dante the magazine. Dante feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest and there was always a part of him that knew if he was gonna fall in love with someone, it would be Mat, but he wasn’t sure.

The way he feels right now definitely confirms it.

He spends the next few days thinking about Mat. They don’t hang out, but they talk on the phone whenever they get the chance. Being with Mat is easy, which makes this whole being in love thing a lot more easier.

It hits him later on that Mat is really the right person to fall in love with because they’re already so close. Dante already knows so much about Mat and he’s the person Dante goes to whenever there’s something wrong, so it just makes sense that Dante would fall in love with him.

He’s got time to figure out the specifics, but Dante falling in love with Mat at a hockey rink is really the biggest of clichés.

–

Everyone thinks they’re dating, and Dante guesses that should’ve been his first clue.

He doesn’t read too much into it the first time someone says something.

He’s sitting on a couch on campus, and Mat had a game in Boston so he decided to drop by and crash the party. Unsurprisingly, Mat has a red cup in his hand before Dante even notices him. He’s talking to someone Dante’s seen on campus a few times but hasn’t even acknowledged, and Dante tries to listen to what Jake is saying instead of focusing on the way Mat’s hair curls at the nape of his neck, underneath his baseball cap.

It takes a few minutes but once Mat’s done with his conversation, he makes his way to the couch where he finds Dante. Dante’s been here way longer than Mat and he’s starting to get tipsy, but he doesn’t let that show when he stands up and hugs Mat like he hasn’t seen him in a long time, like he wasn’t talking to him on the phone 20 minutes ago to make sure he’d find the place.

“Hi,” Dante says, knocking their drinks together after breaking the hug. “This party is pretty lame, I’m glad you’re here.”

Mat laughs. One of his arms sneaks around Dante’s waist and stays there. “You’re pretty wasted, aren’t you buddy?”

They sit back on the couch together and Mat’s arm doesn’t move from around his waist. Dante doesn’t mind it, would even go as far as saying it feels nice to have someone’s arm around him, especially Mat’s. He’s about to make a comment about it when Jake coughs and Dante’s attention is back on his friend.

“Yo,” Jake says, “You didn’t tell me you and Mat were dating.”

Dante furrows his eyebrows. “I’m not?” he says, though he makes it sound like a question. “I think I’d know if I was, Otter.”

“You’re not?” Jake says.

“Nope,” Dante says, putting emphasis on the ‘p’.

Mat is too busy talking to this other guy that was sitting on the couch to even acknowledge them. His arm is still warm around Dante’s waist though and Dante doesn’t say anything about it.

Jake keeps talking, because of course he does.

“You’re, like, into him, though, right?”

Dante nods. “Well, yeah.”

“You should do something about it,” Jake says, taking the cup from Dante’s hands. “He’s here and he looks at you like you hung the fucking moon or something.”

Dante acquiesces, but he doesn’t say anything else. It stays on his mind for most of the night, though. Mat stands by his side for most of it. It’s about half past midnight when they start killing it at beer pong and Dante doesn’t like playing against Jake often because he always loses, but he’s got Mat with him right now and together they’re unbeatable.

Mat’s arm has moved from its previous place, by now, settling comfortably on Dante’s shoulder instead. Jake is looking at them from the other side of the table, even though he should be focusing on which glass he wants to throw his ball in.

Jake’s words won’t stop running through his head and now Mat’s arm feels heavy against his shoulders. Dante misses his next throw but he doesn’t think too much about it and chugs his drink.

 

Dante tries not to obsess over what Jake said because he knows it’s not obvious. He’s been good at hiding his feelings for Mat for the bigger part of, like, five years, this isn’t any different. Except Ty says something about it too a month later and, well—Dante doesn’t know what to believe anymore.

He’s back in BC for spring break and he’s lucky enough that a bunch of his buddies have a few days off to hang out with him even though they’re playing hockey in the W. Dante invites a few guys over to his house, only three because he’s reasonable and he knows they can’t be too loud in his neighbourhood.

Mat and Ty arrive together and Dante hugs them both. He talks to them quite often, but he hasn’t seen either of them in person in months, so it’s good to have them around.

They don’t do much, sitting outside in the backyard, catching up with a few beers Dante found in the fridge. Ty’s in the middle of telling a story about how this guy on his team went to practice hungover and played better than he had all season when Dante shivers.

It’s not that cold outside, but it’s the middle of March and he’s only wearing a hoodie. It’s not, like, a big deal either so he doesn’t say anything. He laughs when he’s supposed to and even manages to forget he’s cold for a moment until it gets windy again and he crosses his arms on his chest almost on instinct.

“You cold, babe?” Mat says, but he’s mostly teasing. Dante can tell by his tone.

He laughs. “Yeah,” Dante admits. “I’m gonna grab my coat inside, do you guys want anything?”

“I’m good,” Ty says, and Dante gets up.

“Just take my coat, it’s fine,” Mat says, already taking it off.

Dante hesitates. “Are you sure?”

“Would I even offer if I wasn’t serious?” Mat says and he’s not wrong.

So Dante takes his coat, easy as anything.

They go back to their conversation like nothing happened and it takes a good 10 minutes for Ty to say something.

“So, how long have you two been together?” he says, and he sounds like he’s joking but his face is serious. Dante never knows when to take him seriously.

“We’re not,” Mat says. “It’s just—I gave him my coat because he needed it, you know?”

Dante doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything.

Ty laughs. “Totally,” he says, but Dante can hear the confusion in his voice.

That’s when Dante starts asking himself some questions.

After that, the conversation goes back to hockey and Dante finally relaxes. He sinks back in his chair, ignores the tension in the air and tells a story about a guy on his team too because that seems to be what they’re doing.

Ty doesn’t leave very long after that, saying something about curfew and it makes Dante laugh at first but then he realizes how late it is and thinks it might be time for Mat to go as well.

He doesn’t live very far, just a few blocks over, so Dante decides to walk him home. He’s still wearing Mat’s coat and he should probably hand it over soon, but he’s comfortable and Mat hasn’t said anything about being cold.

They walk in silence for a few minutes and Dante likes this, even though it’s unusual for them to have nothing to say to each other. They talk every day, so they run out of things to say pretty quickly but Mat always has something to say or to joke about.

“You’re pretty quiet,” Dante says, as they turn the corner. He bumps their shoulders together, grinning when Mat gives him a smile.

Mat runs a hand through Dante’s hair and Dante doesn’t even flinch, used to how Mat always reaches over to ruffle his curls. “I’m just tired. You’re hard to keep up with,” Mat says.

“Okay, old man,” Dante says.

Dante’s a bit tired too, but he doesn’t mention it and watches the way Mat’s mouth stretches into a grin instead.

It doesn’t take long to get to Mat’s house after that. By the time they reach Mat’s house, Dante hates that he didn’t ask Mat to stay over when he had the chance, hates that Mat is basically the best thing to happen to him since hockey and that they don’t hang out as much as they used to. It’s stupid, maybe, to feel that way, especially since Dante could’ve said something when they were back at his house.

“You’re coming over again soon, right?” Dante asks, for reassurance. “I need to kick your ass at NHL again.”

“You mean, I’m definitely gonna kick your ass. What was the score today, 5-3 for me?”

Dante laughs. “Bullshit,” he says. “ I’m keeping your jacket.”

“You should,” Mat says, and Dante definitely doesn’t miss the way he leans closer.

He doesn’t miss the way the atmosphere around them changes and makes him feel like they’re the only two people in the world.

They’re only a few inches apart and Dante can feel Mat’s breath against his skin. They get a lot of moments like these, where they get too close. If it was anyone else, Dante would probably take a step back, but this is Mat we’re talking about so Dante just lets him be.

He’s pretty sure Mat is only leaning closer to whisper something in his ear or something, not to actually kiss him, but then Mat’s eyes are totally looking at Dante’s lips and Dante knows he could just lean in and kiss him but he doesn’t.

He wants to but he doesn’t. Dante thinks about what Ty said for a bit, about how he thought they were dating even though they’re clearly not and he wants Mat to love him back in this moment more than he’s ever wanted it and—

“You should get in before you get cold,” a voice says from behind them.

Dante is startled and Mat is standing too far from him again. He looks up to see Mat’s mom standing at the door. He offers her a smile and waves Mat goodbye.

Dante spends the walk back home thinking about what he would’ve done if Mat had kissed him. He thinks about what Ty said and thinks there might be something Mat isn’t telling him after all.

 

 

Dante realizes later on that he’s maybe a little more dense than he thought. He’s wanted Mat for so long and believed for the longest time that his feelings were unrequited that the thought of Mat actually returning his feelings is new. He’s not, like, certain, but he also has doubts, considering Tyson is the third person to ask him if they’re dating.

“You’re not dating?” Tyson asks, and he looks so confused. “I honestly thought you guys were together.”

“We’re not,” Dante says, and he tries to ignore the feeling in his chest.

Tyson laughs. “Wait, doesn’t Mat have a NCAA subscription to watch your games?”

Dante nods. He has a subscription to all of Mat’s games, too, he doesn’t see what’s wrong with that at all. He tells Tyson as much.

“Fabbs,” Tyson says, “I knew you were into Mat because you told me but he’s so into you, man.”

Dante doesn’t reply. He sighs instead, because he thinks he’d know whether or not Mat was in love with him. Mat has always had the worst reputation when it comes to keeping in his feelings for someone, so Dante feels like he’d know if Mat was into him.

“He’s not, we’re best friends, we’ve been best friends for years, he’d have told me if he was—”

“You haven’t told him, though,” Tyson says.

He’s right, and now Dante doesn’t know what to think.

(That’s not true, Dante does know what to think. If he was anyone else, he’d say that Mat likes him back. But he’s not anyone else, and Mat doesn’t like him back, so he’s just going to have to live with it.)

 

The fact that people keep assuming is just par for the course at this point.

Dante’s in his room with Jake and Brady. They’ve just gotten back from the game, and Dante’s not even out of his suit before he grabs his laptop and sits on his bed.

Jake doesn’t react because he knows how Dante gets after games, especially when they get home on time for him to call Mat. Brady, though, looks confused. He doesn’t say anything to Dante but Dante would swear he’s asking Jake what Dante’s doing.

So, when Jake tells Brady that Dante’s on the phone with his boyfriend, Dante doesn’t even bother to deny it. He doesn’t say anything and lets Brady decide what he wants to do with that information.

He spends a few minutes lost in his own thoughts before he calls Mat, though. He thought Jake was joking the first time he said he thought he and Mat were dating, but apparently he was serious. There’s a part of him that always thought he and Mat were gonna stay best friends and nothing more, while another part of him hoped he’d grow enough balls to tell Mat how he felt, no matter how much it might affect their friendship.

Dante’s been in love with Mat long enough to know that if there was a chance for them to get together, they would be together right now. Mat wears his heart on his sleeve and he’s more open about his feelings than anyone Dante knows, which is why he didn’t consider the possibility that Mat might return his feelings. He still doesn’t think it’s something he should count on, but three of his friends thought he and Mat were dating and that’s—

It’s a lot to take in.

Dante didn’t think he was that obvious, didn’t think anyone would catch on and figure out he had feelings for Mat, and yet they still did.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there on the bed, looking out the window and just thinking, but once he takes a look at his phone, it’s vibrating on the bed and he already has three missed calls from Mat.

He smiles, turns his laptop on and calls him, ignoring the laughs coming from Jake’s side of the room.

–

Deciding on a whim to go to the Thunderbirds game gives Dante something to do the moment he gets back from BU, instead of sitting at home alone, not doing anything. It only takes about two and a half hours to get to Kent from Vancouver, so he gets into the car a few hours before the game.

He anticipates the traffic when he gets to the arena, but what he doesn’t expect are the crowds of people walking on the streets with Thunderbirds jerseys. There’s a lot of talk about Seattle being the next hockey city after Vegas and honestly, sitting in his car in the middle of traffic, Dante could see it happening.

He blends in well with the rest of the fans once he gets to the arena. He’s only wearing a hoodie, while most of them are wearing jerseys but he fits in. Dante doesn’t know what made him decide to actually go to this game but he’s glad he did.

He’s only been inside the ShoWare center a few times, but from all the games he’s watched in the middle of the night during the season, it feels like he’s basically played here the whole year. Someone starts a chant and Dante feels himself chanting along. It makes him laugh, thinking about how he knows so much about this team even though he’s not even a part of it.

(Dante watched every game.

Like, even if he was away for hockey or whatever, he’d always make time for Mat’s games, much to Jake’s despair. He’d stay up late even though they had practice in the morning because he wanted to see Mat play. That’s the compromise he found, a month after he’d gotten to BU. He wasn’t gonna play with Mat but he was gonna support the hell out of him in any way he could.

“You should sleep,” Jake says, half asleep on the bed next to him.

Dante laughs. “And miss this last minute of overtime? I can’t.”

Dante decides right at that moment that he deserves the way Jake shakes his head at him in disbelief.)

Being back here is unlike anything Dante expected. On one hand, it’s weird because that’s the arena he would’ve called home if he had signed with the Thunderbirds like Mat had wanted. On the other hand, though, Dante couldn’t be prouder. He knows how hard Mat worked to get here, and he knows they got this far because Mat played like a badass during the entire season.

He’s also jealous, in a way, because these guys got to play with him all season while Dante couldn’t. It was his decision to go to BU and leave Mat behind, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t look back and wish things could’ve been different. The look on Mat’s face when Dante told him they wouldn’t be playing together and that he’d be going to Boston in the fall is still all he can think about when he gets like this.

He doesn’t have much time to reminisce the old times because the horn sounds and the players slowly start coming out on the ice for the anthems. Dante’s seats are good enough for him to see most of Mat’s face when he skates by, but he doesn’t think Mat notices him out of everyone else in the crowd.

As soon as the puck drops, the energy in the building is almost contagious. There’s something about the way the crowd is that has Dante even more invested into this game than he thought he would be. He’s out of his seat most of the first period because there are so many goal posts and good shots but the Pats’ goalie is standing strong and not letting any goals in.

By the time there are only four minutes left in the period, Seattle gets a powerplay and the second the puck touches Mat’s stick, Dante’s up in his seat because he knows it’s gonna find its way into the net. A few seconds later, the goal light turns on and Dante almost jumps in relief.

Thankfully, everyone in the crowd is standing up and waving their playoff towels, so Dante is just another face in the crowd by the time Mat looks up and takes a look around.

The game ends with a score of 6-1 and Dante doesn’t know how but managed to see the best game in person. Mat was amazing, though Dante didn’t expect any less, and they rocked this place alive. Dante sends Mat a quick text to let him know he’s here and it doesn’t take long before he gets an answer.

 _here , here????_ _where_ , Mat says.

 _idk where the locker room is but im waiting for u to give me a tour_ , Dante sends back.

The next few minutes are a blur. He’s standing by what he thinks is the door that leads to the locker room but he’s not too sure, so Dante stands awkwardly, back against the wall. He’s getting cold, the arena not as lively as before now that people have started filling out. It’s empty enough for Mat to come out in nothing but shorts, though, pulling on Dante’s arm and drag him down the corridor without being seen.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Mat says, when they’ve walked for about two minutes. He’s smiling so bright it hurts.

Mat doesn’t give Dante time to say anything before he engulfs him into a hug. It’s as good as Dante remembers, Mat’s arm warm around him. Dante doesn’t break off the hug until he deems it necessary.

“Of course I’m here,” Dante replies belatedly. “Like I would miss this.”

A few guys walk out of the locker room while him and Mat are standing awkwardly out of the locker room and no one says anything. They just smile at Mat as they walk by and tell him they’ll see him tomorrow.

“You’re wearing my sweatshirt,” Mat says, out of the blue.

Dante looks down at the hoodie and stretches it a little. “Yeah, I didn’t have anything else at home. I got here too late to buy a Barzal jersey, anyway. They’re probably sold out or something.”

Mat laughs. “Or something.”

Dante grins at him right back. “I managed to fit right in, though. You didn’t even see me and I had pretty good seats, bud.”

“Shut up. I can’t believe you actually came all this way,” Mat says, like he still can’t believe it.

It makes Dante smile, to see how happy Mat is to see him. He can tell Mat wasn’t expecting it, which makes this even better. He knows Mat isn’t the kind of guy who really appreciates surprises, but he doesn’t seem to mind this one at all, if the look on his face is anything to go by.

“Had to see you tear it up in person. It’s different to watch you play in person rather than on a small, grainy laptop screen,” Dante admits.

“You watched the games?”

Dante laughs. “You’re full of questions today. Of course I watched your games, you moron.”

Mat looks surprised. Like he hadn’t been expecting Dante to say that. Like he was expecting Dante to say anything but that.

“Are you, like, staying the night here or are you driving back home?” Mat asks, once they’ve walked back into the locker room.

It’s pretty empty so Dante sits in Mat’s stall while he waits for him to get ready.

“You decide,” he says.

“We could go back to my billets,” Mat says.

Dante smiles. “We could.”

“Or,” Mat says, and now Dante thinks he’s finally getting it. “We could go to whatever hotel has a room available for us. C’mon,” he says pulling on Dante’s arm.

Turns out, the hotel the closest to the arena with vacancy is only five minutes away. They only take one car because taking both would be pointless; Mat leaves his gear in the trunk of his car.

This hotel room is like many rooms Dante has stayed in but the most recent memory he has of sharing a room with Mat is at World Juniors last year. He’s hoping to make some happier memories this year, though.

Mat gets himself some water before he sits on the bed. He doesn’t even bother sitting on the other bed, just slides right next to Dante. Dante moves closer to him on instinct and leans into the touch when Mat wraps his arm around his waist. It’s almost familiar, the way they are with each other and Dante thinks he’s waited long enough to finally tell Mat about how he feels.

It made sense, at the time, to keep it to himself, because they were young and restless and prone to making bad decisions, but this is different. This is Dante, going to Seattle for the sole purpose of seeing Mat and putting a smile on his face like he knows he can. He knows he’s one of the only people that can make Mat smile in any given situation, so it makes sense now to just—tell him everything.

Dante turns to look at Mat and ignores every part of him that just wants to lean forward and kiss him. He knows he’ll regret it if he kisses Mat before saying everything he has to say. It sounds stupid, when he puts it like that, but he’s always imagined this moment happening a certain way, so.

In the end, it doesn’t happen the way he wanted it to at all.

Mat kisses him and Dante doesn’t even have the heart to pull away. The positioning is all weird, so Dante moves a few inches to his left to straddle Mat, his hands wrapping instinctively around Mat’s neck. He’s looking at him with such love in his eyes, like he’s been waiting for that moment for a long time and, well.

It’s true.

Dante kisses him again and it’s a little overwhelming. They’re not drunk, for one, and he can really feel that Mat wants this as much as he does. He doesn’t know if he’s all in like Dante is, but at least he’s down for some making out and Dante isn’t opposed to that at all. They get lost in it for a while, lost in each other, and Dante lets his tongue brush against Mat’s, easy as anything. Mat’s hands are on him, running up and down his sides and Dante doesn’t know what he likes so much about this kiss in particular, but most of him doesn’t want it to end.

There’s a part of him that’s pretty insistent on making sure he’s not going to regret this, though.

“Wait,” Dante says, pulling away for a second. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re—”

Dante cuts in. “I’ve been in love with you for five years.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“I didn’t think you felt the same,” Dante says and he means it.

There have been a few moments here and there where Dante had hopes for the two of them. Moments where he thought that yeah, maybe Mat does love him back after all. But that’s all they were, moments, nothing more.

“You think I go around kissing just anyone?” Mat asks, and he’s smiling. “You’re, like, the only person I want to kiss all the time.”

Dante easily returns the smile.

“I love you,” Mat says.

It’s the first time Dante hears it coming from his mouth and he doesn’t know how to react. His heart is beating twice as fast in his chest and they’re still only a few inches apart.

“I love you, too,” Dante says, quickly, pressing his forehead against Mat’s.

They look at each other like this for a moment and he doesn’t know what it is about this moment that makes waiting all those years to tell Mat how he felt worth it but it makes him smile.

In hindsight, Dante probably falls in love with him all over again at that moment, but that’s his secret to keep.

**Author's Note:**

> untagged characters: dylan strome, ty ronning, tyson jost, brady tkachuk, jake oettinger. 
> 
> come find me and talk to me about these dumb boys on twitter - @beauvillier (the first L is a capital i)


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